Friends with Benefits is a dreadful term for some, and for others its pure liberation. For men, it’s a way to satisfy their instinctual need for sex without having to listen, care, spend money, or be obligated to any relationship type responsibility. The dilemma for us women is realizing when we might be the “friend with benefits”, and having the willpower to put a stop to it. It can be somewhat nerve wrecking trying to figure out if we are the girlfriend or the FWB for a few reasons. One, men so rarely convey their feelings, which often leads to women assuming they are in a relationship when they are not. Also, we want to make sure that we are not scaring them off too soon by constantly asking, “What are we”. Here are some sure signs to be weary of if you are trying to find out where you stand without having to ask, “Where do I stand with you?”
When a guy suggests that they don’t believe in labels, or they have an issue with it. It’s probably best to just avoid him. He’s already ducking commitment, and leaving to much gray area in what direction he wants to take the relationship. That moment when you have to begin introducing him to your friends, peers, and family and do not quite know what to call him, that’s probably your answer to what you all are.
Just Chit Chat
If you feel that you have to force or pull conversation out him, and when you do it is reduced to chit chat, there is likely a disconnect and a bit of disinterest. So you are probably now saying well what is chit chat exactly? If you find yourself talking to him for long periods of time but still don’t know much about him, that is chit chat. To say it plainly there is no real bonding occurring. If he doesn’t open up to you and doesn’t want you to open up to him, then that is a red flag you are a FWB.
Not Concerned About Impressions
You ever go to a guy’s house for the first time and it looks like he just had a house party with farm animals the night before? You can clearly tell he made no attempt to clean up to at least make it appear that he cares about a first impression. A guy that won’t do anything out of his way to get you to think highly of him, probably don’t think highly of you. In fact, he could care less what your opinion is of him because he looks at you as replaceable. Don’t stick around for this. A guy that is truly trying to make a good impression of himself on you is interested in more than just the “benefits”.
When you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to he casually makes his exit. He doesn’t want the responsibility of your feelings. That is pretty much the foundation and premise for most friends with benefits situations.
No Quality Time
Once sex is over, you’re no longer needed. You never get to spend the night and you rarely spend any quality time with him afterwards. There never is too much affection shown, not a lot of cuddling, and no long deep conversations before or after you hit the sack.
Netflix and Chill
Do you go on dates? Are they ever in public? Are they on the other side of town? If you feel like when you think of your relationship and it is mostly in the bedroom or in the house, it is likely because your relationship does not extend outside of the fun you have with each other behind closed doors.